Average reading time: 3-4 minutes
Word count: 757
Content warning: mention of queerphobia and Orlando Pulse shooting
It’s time for Pride again! Time sure does keep on moving, doesn’t it? This month’s Carnival of Aros theme is on Pride & Solidarity.
I don’t often celebrate Pride in a big way. I greatly enjoy seeing the arts and crafts and Pride gear that people make. There are so many talented people out there! I also don’t have much Pride gear, but I did get these cool custom stickers this year of my different identities! The top one has the aro, cassgender, and greypansexual flags and the bottom one is the aroqueer flag.
Top image: A sticker of the aro flag with the cassgender flag as a circle in the middle and the greypansexual flag in the shape of a heart.
Bottom image: A sticker of the aroqueer flag.
Sometimes I’ll go watch a parade, but not much more besides that. I often feel like I’m there as a supporter rather than a participant. I am queer. I should feel like Pride is for me too. However, I generally don’t feel like aros have a space in Pride, especially for in-person events. There aren’t any in-person aro communities anywhere near me, so this complicates things. There has been an increase of online Pride events for aros, which is exciting. But that can feel isolated and in a bubble. I want people to see aromantics out and about with a loud “I’m here and I’m queer.” I’d love to see aros having a prominent spot during a Pride event in-person, such as during a parade. How amazing that would be! For now, I take joy in seeing pictures of aro (and ace) groups that partake in Pride parades. Maybe that’ll happen someday near to where I live. Maybe that’s something I’ll have to make happen hahaha.
The lack of visibility is something I’m regularly aware of, but this is especially salient during Pride month. I’m forced to think on how much farther we have to go. Admittedly, I have to remind myself to also reflect on the positives- there IS growing visibility and awareness. I’m also forced to reflect on how much more progress needs to be made for the larger LGBTQ+ community. Every 12th of June, I feel the heaviness of queerphobia as I remember the Orlando Pulse shooting victims. I used to go to Pulse, especially on Latin nights. I no longer live in Florida, but I still feel the pain as if I were still there… Our needs can differ from the needs of other queer communities (although we can’t ignore intersections of multiple queer identities within the aro community), but ultimately, we all need to support each other. Otherwise, we’re doing the job of the queerphobic cis-hetero-allonormativity system for it. Some issues may seem relevant for certain groups at first, but these larger systems impact all of us, albeit to varying degrees. Divide and conquer is a basic strategy for dominant groups, so we need to band together if we want to progress. I believe that the fate of the aro community is bound with the fate of the LGBTQ+ community and vice versa. While I love our aro community and culture and groups, we also should be careful with not becoming too insular. Pride is always a good time to reflect on this solidarity and to remember that we do have shared causes while also respecting our differences!
Something that I’d appreciate from the larger LGBTQ+ community is moving away from respectability or assimilationist politics. I understand the urge to show mainstream society “we’re just like you!” in order to claim our humanity and gain recognition. But this hurts so many at the end. What happens to those who aren’t able to or don’t want to assimilate or conform? Homonormativity can also be oppressive at the end of the day. I think building bridges based on shared humanity can be a powerful tool to garner support and find allies, but at what cost?
Aros, I think we need to be careful with potentially being bitter towards alloromantic queers. I get it. I want to abolish romance. I’m romance-tired and can be romance-averse at times. But we’ll isolate ourselves from parts of the LGBTQ+ community if we demean romance and alloromantics. Instead, we need to remember that amatonormativity is the real culprit. And it hurts all of us. Aros and allos alike. Rather than turning on fellow queers, we need to turn our frustrations to larger systems. It’s amatonormativity that we need to abolish.
As we are returning to “normal” (whatever that may be), I have hopes for there being more aro representation in Pride and look forward to seeing how this grows! Maybe sometime in the near future, I can walk with fellow aros in a Pride parade.
Cross-posted on tumblr.
Graces of Luck 