Average reading time: 2-3 minutes
Word count: 418
As I was reading Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, I was struck by how an aromantic praxis, one that includes mutual aid and community care, could be informed by and tie into the disability justice ideals around care work.
One part that particularly stuck with me was about how receiving care should not be dependent on being loved or desirable. “I think about the need for care that can be accessed when you’re isolated, disliked, and without social capital—which many disabled people are.” This drives home even more for me how amatonormativity and ableism intersect. When care is dependent on being loved, it leaves many to fend for themselves by themselves, especially when being loved means being in a (usually romantic) partnership. I’ve experienced many times how amatonormativity prevents me from receiving the care I need because that care is often reserved for romantic relationships.
When I think about how isolated aromantics can be, moving care work from the individual (and in this case from an insular couple or nuclear-family form) to the collective or community is so necessary. I’m abled, but I think often about how much work it is to handle everything on my own and that daily functioning is only going to become harder to do by myself. Especially as I get older, I find it increasingly difficult to “adult”, to manage all my household tasks and job while taking care of myself and those around me. The amount of time and energy I have to put into self-care to ensure I can function is overtaking any joy or spontaneity of living. But I know that without that self-care, I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I’m afraid to get sick because I’m afraid that it means I’ll be wiped out or with less energy, my life coming to a standstill, while the world moves on, expecting me to still be productive, and then I’ll have to scramble to catch up, meaning I can’t afford to take the time I need to fully recover (which is really the deeper issue here- our society doesn’t allow us to take proper down time and so much of our worth is dependent on our productivity. Getting or being sick is not an issue in and of itself, but our current social systems makes it so because of ableism). While I can rely on a couple of friends from time to time, what happens to me when they are also in crises or if they move away or if people decide to prioritize their romantic relationships and I need help? Living alone also means it’s harder and takes more planning to access care I need. Although I’m describing my own experience, I think many others encounter similar situations, and I think about how something like care webs of community members could help.
While aromantics and folks with disabilities face different challenges, I think there is a wonderful opportunity for solidarity. Aro activism must include disability justice and accessibility in order to be truly anti-oppressive, and in the end, it will benefit all of us. There is also so much to learn from disability justice and disabled folks.
Graces of Luck 